Since August of this year, I have been exploring the insides of my mind in greater detail. If you read this blog regularly, you are pretty likely aware of the fluctuations in my mood, and the rationality of my behaviour.

If you get the chance, find and watch The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive hosted by Stephen Fry. In his open, intelligent and witty way, Fry tackles the topic of Bipolar Disorders (oh yes, there are more than one), including his own. If you can find it (you will have to try all of the usual channels to get it in North America), watch it.

So, why am I openly discussing the fact that I am Bipolar in a public forum? Why would I confess to the world, to people who may in the future meet me, or even consider hiring me?

It’s simple. Many months ago, I wrote that if you were going to hire me based on what I had done in the past, or what school I went to, I most likely wouldn’t want to work for your company anyway. The same applies to this illness, this condition I suffer from. If you or your company won’t hire me because I suffer from an illness that is beyond my control, that I will have for the rest of my life, why would I work for your firm?

I have had Bipolar for a long time. I can track the behaviours that identify the condition back into my childhood, through my teens, through until today. Normally, the cycling that I go through is benign, punctuated by periods of utter and complete hyperfocus. Most of the time, hyperfocus is a benefit for me — it is what got me through re-building the GrabPERF interface last year, and helped power me to absorb and write as much on Web performance as I have.

The manic side does have its pitfalls. My mania usually results in buying and spending sprees that have often endangered my financial stability. An example of this is my acquisition or stationery supplies, pen, notebooks and books.

Two weeks ago, I cleaned out my desk and aggregated all of the writing instruments I have purchased over the last 12 months. When I was done, I had filled a 1-gallon Zip-Lock baggie with pens, pencils, highlighters and Sharpies.

In my lifetime, I could never use them all.

I fanatically acquire notebooks. Rhodia, Moleskine, Rite-in-the-Rain, anything. How many of them have I written in? Well, lets just say that my kids will be using my blank notebook collection for many years after I have departed this world.

The spending sprees, the intense desire for the acquisition of things, is my most noticeable manifestation of manic behaviour. In most instances, the manic process starts to wind down after a while. In a few instances, it continues upward. It continues upward until my rational mind dissipates, and I start ranting and raving, making irrational and potentially destructive choices in my life. Choices that have (or could have) affected the course of my life.

I suffer from a small subset of the condition, Bipolar I. What differentiates this group from the standard “manic-depressive” or Bipolar diagnosis is that is more MANIC-depressive, with a sustained emphasis on the manic episodes. Depressive episodes occur, don’t get me wrong; but it is the intense and unstoppable mania that has shaped me more than the depression.

However, this condition is not “curable” in the standard way. It also doesn’t manifest any physical symptoms. So in most cases, people just say that I need to get a grip and get on with my life. I am grateful that I have an understanding and (in some cases) forgiving wife who is intent on helping me control and regulate my behaviour. I am also extremely lucky that my current manager understands this part of me, and gives me the freedom I need to ebb and flow with the condition.

To wrap this up (I hate long postings), I leave you with this thought. In his programme, Fry asks his interview subjects the following question (and I paraphrase it here):

If there was a button you could push, a button that cured you of this condition, and gave you a normal mind, would you press it?

Only one of the interview subjects said yes. Everyone else said that despite the pain and suffering that accompanies the condition, there is no way that they would be willing to give back the state of mind that allowed them to achieve what they had achieved.

We are not in our right mind. And I am proud of that.

Technorati Tags: Bipolar, manic+depression, manic+depressive, Bipolar+I, psychiatric+illness, mental+health, depression, mania, manic

Tags: Acquisition, app, bbc, Bipolar Disorders, blog, book, control, current, depression, EAD, GrabPERF, HTML, HTTP, IE, IM, IP, it, LAN, leave, mania, normal, North America, Om, One, performance, posting, pr, Stephen Fry, Technorati, teen, tv, web, Web Performance

I heard (via TechCrunch and Om Malik and PubSub) that there is some … transition at PubSub.

Now, I have a soft spot in my heart for PubSub, because Bob Wyman was the first person to really notice and appreciate the things I was doing at GrabPERF. I wonder what the future holds for this team.

Frankly, I would agree with Michael Arrington’s comment that PubSub is a likely acquisition target. They do offer a very interesting service, but as a standalone offering, the opportunities are becoming increasingly narrow. As part of a larger Social Web/Web 2.0 firm with a broad range of products, PubSub’s technology could become the glue that holds the various parts together.

Update: Salim Ismail, the now retired CEO, posts his own comments here.

Technorati Tags: PubSub, blog search, Web 2.0, management, acquisition

Tags: Acquisition, app, blog, GigaOm, GrabPERF, HTTP, IE, IM, it, leave, Malik, Om, Om Malik, One, posts, pr, run, search, steps, techcrunch, Technorati, update, web, web 2.0

UPDATE: Geek News Central sees it another way. They see Cogent as hitching a free ride and getting thrown off the bus finally. Either way, the bacbone providers are about to realize that they aren’t the ones with power anymore.

The lawsuits from this should be interesting, and are likely going to expose many of the dark edges of the connectivity market that will shock most people who use the Internet.

Cnet has the news here.

One of the sites most notably affected was the Boston Museum of Fine Arts — quoted in this story. So I took the MFA as a bellweather of when the Internet would return to normal.

CLICK IMAGE

Using the GrabPERF system and one other measurement network, it appears that the Level3 and Cogent networks started speaking to each other again at approximately 16:00 EDT (20:00 GMT) today, with recovery times varying by company, backbone, and location.

CLICK IMAGE

I was having a conversation on a completely unrelated matter with one of the journalists who covers the Internet space, and mentioned this event to him. He hadn’t heard of it (hey, I know how hard he works), but we both were kind of shocked that this could still happen.

A large backbone provider rarely does this just because they can; if that were the case, the Internet would be divided into petty fiefdoms where no one could talk to anyone else, which sounds awfully familiar to some of us who remember pre-Internet networks.

A large backbone provider does this to strengthen their position, and diminish that of their peering partner.

There is a lot of money being made on the Internet again. This breakage was, in my opinion, is a result of the Tier 1 backbone providers staking out their turf for what they see as another flow of big and stupid spending resulting from the frenzy around Web 2.0.

Level3 summarily terminated the peering arrangement in an attempt to marginalize Cogent, perhaps in an attempt create the impression that Cogent is less valuable to the Internet than “real” Tier 1 backbones.

What does this pre-emptive attack on Cogent’s reputation gain them? I think that the core reason is that Level3 may be trying to reduce the perceived market value of Cogent, making them a more vulnerable target for acquisition.

It will be interesting to watch what happens in a month when this flares up again.

IceRocket: cogent, level3, peering, internet

Technorati: cogent, level3, peering, internet

Tags: Acquisition, app, backbone, blog, Boston, connectivity, conversation, GrabPERF, GrabPERF.org, HTML, HTTP, IE, IM, Internet, it, measurement, media, normal, Om, One, opinion, outage, pr, search, Technorati, tn, update, web, web 2.0

When I look at my logs, I am always astounded by the items visitors come to read.

The one posting that I am most proud of is this one, where I do not sing the praises of Gutter Helmet.

b2evolution only maintains local hit logs for 30 days. In that time, there is a serious pattern appearing.

URL					NUM
----					------
Home Page				116
Why I Will Not Recommend Gutter Helmet	105
This is your host on South Park		30

I have been watching this for a while, so on Monday, I wrote a letter to some of the executives at Gibraltar Industries [here], the holding company that now owns Gutter Helmet.

Dear Gibraltar Industries:

I saw that your company has just purchased Gutter Helmet. Congratulations.

I thought you and your team would like to know that my blog post detailing my experience with a Gutter Helmet installation is near the top of Google Search for the phrase “gutter helmet”.

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22gutter+helmet%22 –> it’s the link from the IceRocket blogsearch engine

I get between 5 and 10 visits a day where people are reading what my experience with the Gutter Helmet installation team was like.

Gutter Helmet is a great product. The team that installed it failed miserably in making us happy.

Good luck, and remember: the conversation you don’t hear will be the one that hurts you the most.

stephen

On Monday, there was a huge flurry of hits from Gutter Helmet IPs and others, including what looked like Gibraltar’s very high-priced law firm.

And you know what?

They didn’t bother to respond.

So, I will continue to de-evangalize Gutter Helmet, as they are stuck in a negative customer experience death-spiral. If they can’t get over the big company, “One complaining customer is nothing” attitude, they will continue experience the force of a customer scorned. And when new prospects research the Gutter Helmet product, they will continue to encounter my negative experience high on the search engines’ lists.

Gibraltar Industries: I am now defining the conversation around the Gutter Helmet product, and you have no control over that. If you don’t believe this has an impact, follow the thread and conversation around Jeff Jarvis’ experience with Dell [here].

IceRocket: Gutter Helmet, gutters, contractors, customer service

Tags: Acquisition, Dear Gibraltar Industries, Dell, Gibraltar, Google, Gutter Helmet, high-priced law, Jeff Jarvis, One, search engines, South Park

I recently switched all of my phone services back to Verizon. Today, I got a phone call from my former provider, MCI.

I have never experienced telephone slamming before, but “Tiffany Johnson” from MCI exposed me to the seedy side of the telephone market. I know why MCI is slamming departing customers: they need to get their customer count up before the acquisition by Verizon is completed.

I have frozen my telephone provider. And MCI goes on my blacklist.

Technorati: telephone slamming, MCI, Verizon

Tags: Acquisition, customers, HTTP, IE, IP, it, Om, One, pr, Technorati, Verizon

George, this does not mean watching the shareholders heads spin, like in The Exorcist.

And acquisitions? George, your staff is not even comfortable walking across the street to get some BBQ at Armadillo Willy’s or a coffee at the Bridgepointe Starbuck’s, because they figure when they come back, a new name will be on the building and their pass cards won’t work.

SELL! THIS! TURKEY!

Via C|Net

Tags: Acquisition, ads, cro, EAD, HTML, HTTP, IE, IM, it, Om, strategy, Turkey

Kottke has a great summary of the links for the Adobomedia/Macrodobe story here.

In my opinion, this quote sums up what is wrong with this merger.

The combination of Adobe and Macromedia strengthens our mission of helping people and organizations communicate better. Through the combination of our powerful development, authoring and collaboration tools – and the complementary functionality of PDF and Flash – we have the opportunity to drive an industry-defining technology platform that delivers compelling, rich content and applications across a wide range of devices and operating systems. [here]

The Adobe and Macromedia Marketing/Press Relations teams need the help of the Bullfighter software.

Flash makes web products that are great for online games…and useless for anything else. Adobe makes a PDF reader, which I can replace with any number of free readers.

I can feel gravity dragging this merger into the pit of despair.

I agree with Om Malik and Russell Beattie — I vote “-1″ on this merger.

More here and here and here and here

Richard Koman says this is a good deal…Flash on Mobile devices merged with a lighter version of Acrobat.

Sramana Mitra says that Apple should buy Adobe now. [here]

Strategize says Adobe everywhere, all the time. [here]

Roland Tanglao quotes Marc Canter, who is happy to see Macromedia disappear.

More from Roland here.

Tags: Acquisition, Acrobat, Adobe, app, Apple, application, ARIN, blog, book, content, cro, EAD, GigaOm, HTML, HTTP, IE, IM, it, LAN, live, Mac, Malik, marketing, media, Om, Om Malik, online, operating systems, opinion, PHP, pr, web

It is interesting working in a post-bubble company, watching the companies on the edge of the newly expanding bubbles of search, Web services, blogging and social networking start to try and find ways to link and grow together.

Ask, after buying Bloglines, gets acquired by IAC. Yahoo acquires Flickr. MSN has Spaces; Microsoft buys a file-sharing company; Microsoft has skunkworks projects at Start.com. Google just announced that they are looking for a UI developer to help revive and restore the flagging Blogger service.

The question that arises in my mind is whether these mergers will allow these large companies to effectively control access to what we can and cannot do online.

Now, I am not trying to be orwellian, I am just pointing out that there is likely to be a large amount of control and centralization in these outlets. In some cases, this will be good, providing us with services and features that were unattainable in the smaller company.

On the Dark Side, the benefits could be subsumed in a flood of meaningless co-linked content for tickets, shopping, and other detritus that has yet to overwhelm the new personalized blogging/peer-to-peer/social-networking universe that has “suddenly” appeared since 2000.

The cry of the Internet in 1995 was that anyone could have a Web page, have access to whatever content they wanted, and be in control of their online experience. Now that has come full-circle, after a detour through the swamp of commercialism and marketeering.

With the acquisition of the “cool” and “innovative” companies by the “old” New Media companies, will these new memes simply get subsumed by commercialism and marketeering?

Tags: Acquisition, app, ARIN, blog, Blogging, content, control, cool, cro, Google, HTML, HTTP, IE, IM, Internet, it, media, Microsoft, networking, Om, One, online, personal, pr, search, web