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Now it’s your turn to suffer with this.

CEMETARY POLKA
Tom Waits

Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon
Independent as a hog on ice
He’s a big-shot down there at the slaughterhouse
Plays accordion for Mister Weiss

Uncle Biltmore and Uncle William
Made a million during World War II
But they’re tightwads and they’re cheapskates
And they’ll never give a dime to you

Auntie Mame has gone insane
She lives in the doorway of an old hotel
And the radio is playing opera
All she ever says is go to Hell

Uncle Violet flew as pilot
And there ain’t no pretty girls in France
Now he runs a tiny little bookie joint
They say he never keeps it in his pants

Uncle Bill will never leave a will
And the tumour is as big as an egg
Has a mistress, she’s Puerto Rican
And I heard she has a wooden leg

Uncle Phil can’t live without his pills
He has emphysema and he’s almost blind
And we must find out where the money is
Get it now before he loses his mind

Uncle Vernon, Uncle Vernon
Independent as a hog on ice
He’s a big-shot down there at the slaughterhouse
He plays accordion for Mr. Weiss

Buy Rain Dogs. End my suffering.